Star Light Ministries

From Guest Blogger, and Friend of Star Light, Brooke:

A couple of weeks ago, a dancer who I barely know tried to hang herself. The pain of imagining her not in the world was overwhelming to me. I cried, sobbed, for at least 24 hours. When I saw her at work about a week later, I was in the bathroom. I waited until we were the only 2 people left in there and I spoke to her. You see, she is absolutely gorgeous. Black hair, crystal blue eyes, thin, exotic, 19 years young. I told her this. I went on to tell her how she took me back to a place where I had been so many times before. That endless black hole at the bottom of the earth. Under the heavy blanket of despair, smothering the very life out of me. It would be better, I knew it would, if the pain could just stop. No other way. No one would miss me, or even notice I was gone.

You see, I was diagnosed with severe chronic depression several years ago. I have self-medicated with alcohol and about as much cocaine as you would see in Scarface. Anything to numb myself. When that didn’t work, I tried overdosing several times with a plastic bag tied over my head, hanging myself, walking to a bridge to jump (only to be stopped by cops), slitting my wrists 50 times….DAMMIT!!!!! I just wouldn’t or couldn’t die!!! In between, I have tried anti-depressants and even ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) to make me not want to die. Finally, after 25 different medication trials, and 8 to 10 sessions of uni-lateral ECT, a light bulb went off in my brain. I wanted to live. I wanted to wake up in the morning. I wanted to have coffee. I wanted to read the paper. I wanted to get my nails done. I wanted to talk to people. Something finally worked after I had given up all hope of getting better!! I followed up with a a therapist who agreed to see me after office hours for a very small fee. (God bless her!) And for the first time in about 5 years, I realized what it would have been like for other people if I had killed myself…

I would have left my daughter with infinite amounts of pain, sorrow, and blaming herself. My friends would have gone over and over in their heads if there was something they could have done to help. People who barely knew me would have cried, and wondered the same thing. I would have escaped my own pain by transferring it to so many others, leaving them to deal with the repercussions and finality of my death.

As I heard the DJ calling me to the stage, I finished telling her that although I barely knew her, it wrecked my world to think of her gone. I told her to please come to me or someone for help if she ever felt that way again. Tears in her eyes, she actually hugged and apologized to me for what she had put me through. I kissed her cheek and ran to the stage. Anybody who thinks God doesn’t do some of the best work in strip clubs is sadly mistaken!!! You’ll never guess what my DJ played to me to dance to…

(from Sixx AM, “Life is Beautiful”)

There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Alive…
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

……………………………………………

You are not alone. I have been to the depths of hell and back. Please reach out! Others WILL reach back!

Always,
Brooke

For the last month or so, the Star Light team in Birmingham, Alabama has been visiting all the clubs in Birmingham. Usually, they only visit two clubs, but now they’ve been visiting all of them. There are 6 clubs.

The team visited with information about the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. coming to Birmingham. They told the dancers, the managers, and the housemoms about the economic advantage that the EDMBA offers dancers. After the seminar, dancers will make and keep more of their money.

Armed with registration forms, gifts, and sometimes even tips, the teams signed women up for the Sunday event that started at 12:30, with childcare available.

13 women signed up. Seven of those women had pre-paid, either the total $50 for the event or a deposit. The Birmingham team was psyched.

Fast forward to Sunday. It’s 12:30. One woman has come to the event, and another has called for directions. Two women showed up, and another came at about 2 o’clock. Even though 7 prepaid, only 3 came.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not upset that only 3 women showed up. I’m thrilled that 3 women showed up! I know that these 3 women, bright, beautiful, and wonderful were exactly the women who needed the EDMBA. I have full confidence that they will use the skills and the network to increase their agency. I also have full confidence that these women were the women that I needed to meet. They showed me a side of exotic dancing that I haven’t seen in a while.

Because of the women’s privacy, I don’t want to share too much. But these women needed to be affirmed, feel loved, and learn the skills Star Light taught.

I was reminded of the story about the little boy on the beach after a terrible hurricane. He’s walking along the beach, picking up starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. An older gentleman walks up and says, “Why are you bothering with throwing them back in the ocean? You can’t make a difference!”

The little boy picked up another starfish, tossed it gently into the life-giving waves. “Made a difference to that one,” he said.

I love Harm Reduction as a concept. Harm reduction is most commonly seen in condom and needle programs. Many people are critical of this concept, mostly because it seems as if you are “condoning the behavior.” But, you know, a person has to live in order to make different choices in their lives. You can’t make a different decision if you’re dead, can you? Therefore, using condoms (reducing the risk of STD’s) and clean needles (reducing the risk of getting HIV/AIDS and hepatitis) can perhaps leave you with the energy and health to make different decisions at a later date.

Star Light uses Harm Reduction principles. And the best list I have seen in a long time is Renegade Evolution’s list of harm reduction principles.

-Accepts, for better and for worse, that the sex industry is part of our world and chooses to work to minimize harmful effects rather than simply ignore or condemn them.

-Understands the sex industry as a complex, multifaceted thing encompasses a vast range of activities, and acknowledges that some aspects of the sex industry are clearly more dangerous than others, and those working in the sex industry may have vastly different needs.

-Calls for the non-judgmental, non-coercive provision of services and resources to people who are involved in the sex industry and bases those provisions around the wants and needs of the sex worker/ prostituted person.

-Ensures that sex workers/ prostituted people and those with a history in the sex industry have a real voice in the creation of programs and policies designed to serve them.

-Affirms sex workers/prostituted people themselves as the primary agents in setting the course of their lives, and seeks to empower them to share information, support strategies and resources which meet their actual needs.

-Recognizes that the realities of poverty, class, racism, social isolation, past trauma, education, abuse and other social inequalities affect both people’s vulnerability to harm and capacity for independent operation.

-Does not attempt to minimize or ignore the real potential harm and danger associated with the sex industry.

-Does not attempt to minimize or ignore the choices and agency of those involved with the sex industry.

This is the thinking behind the implementation of the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. Making more money brings the dancers more agency, more opportunities, more success. And living a life with more agency, more opportunities and more success will foster even more agency, more opportunities and more success!

We care about the lives of exotic dancers. We want to help make their lives better. The Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. does make their lives better.

And it’s fun, too!

I’m just winding down from a conference in Green Lake, Wisconsin. It’s called the International Christian Conference on Prostitution, and is greatly underwritten by the American Baptists. With more than 35 presenters, plus worship leaders and people doing testimonies, there were a lot of opportunities to talk with people, hear their views, learn from them.

I expected to be met with some criticism for my views on sex work. I wore my “Be Nice to Sex Workers” t-shirt from HIPS in DC, and there were some raised eyebrows. It’s not the message that people minded, it’s the fact that I openly said “sex workers.”

There were ministries present at this conference who work with all types of sex workers, from trafficked individuals to street-level, survival sex workers, and me, working with indie sex workers who are not necessarily trapped, certainly not coerced, and very likely in sex work by choice. We had lots of conversations about the diversity of people in sex work, and the full spectrum or continuum of sex work.

Ultimately, it was a good conference. I renewed some contacts and friendships from earlier conferences. I got some ideas. I had some fun. Most of all, I learned.