Star Light Ministries

I posted a haiku on the Freakonomics blog, in honor of all my dancer friends. Out of more than 300 entries, I’m in the top 6!

Here it is:

No. 3, posted by LiaStarLight:

No matter how hard
I shake my money maker,
It is not enough.

Go here to vote for me! I’ll win Freakonomics schwag. All votes must be in by Tuesday, September 2, at 11 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time.

Thanks!

Lia

On September 21, we’ll have our second Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. in Birmingham, Alabama. Come learn how to make more money as a dancer, how to save and invest that money, meet some great people and have fun! Avalon from Arizona will be joining us!

In early December, we’ll have our first Sex Worker, M.B.A. in New York City. In addition to the wonderful Avalon, we’ll be joined by Amanda Brooks, author of The Internet Escort’s Handbook. It’s going to be a great day! We’re also working on planning a second day, with two or three tracks going a little deeper. Stay tuned for more information!

Renegade Evolution. A brilliant, beautiful and ballsy (I had to say that because it’s alliterated, okay?) woman.

She’s writing a series of articles at Feministe, and I really, really want to repost them here so I can be sure that you, dear readers, read them. However, linking to them is better. Then she gets the traffic. So get your butt over there and read them, puh-lease.

First post: The Sex Workers Rights Thing: An Overview

Second post: Sex Work Activism: Topic One, Harm Reduction.

Third post: Sex Work Activism: Two- Decriminalization

Fourth Post: Sex Work Activism- Three: The Problem with Creating a Monolith

Can’t you tell she’s brilliant?

Yeah, I’m a goober. I love all things Trucker. Ask me sometime about my trucker stole.

But this is what I’m lusting after right now…

Star Light’s Board of Directors concluded their meeting yesterday afternoon. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I really don’t like long meetings. Scheduled to end at 5:30, we finished about 4:00, which made me very happy.

We got a lot accomplished.

Following the Desiree Alliance’s conference in Chicago, I came home thinking about what seem to be the three biggest challenges of sex work: isolation, stigmatization, and economic disenfranchisement (what is the opposite of empowerment?). Star Light’s commitment is to fight these three challenges, by providing opportunities for sex workers to build community, by speaking up and out for sex workers who cannot, because of legal and societal restraints, always speak for themselves, and by providing educational and economic opportunities to sex workers.

The most important thing that I needed out of the Board meeting was a sense that the Board was behind the vision that I cast for the next five years. That vision includes two new staff people, continuing the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A., hosting sex worker retreats, a mentoring program, a secure on-line community for sex workers, and implementation of a sort-of case management program for folks in need. I’m psyched about all of that.

We had some interesting discussions. One of the major discussions was regarding a Board member Code of Ethics and Conduct. Privacy is such an important part of sex work, and Star Light is committed to preserving that right of all of its Board members.

We also, for the first time since I started Star Light seven years ago, have a strong understanding of who we need to add to the Board. We have committed to adding several Board members over the next year, and those members have to include expertise regarding sex work—an attorney, an accountant, an IT/New Media expert, and, most importantly, more sex workers.

It’s an exciting time at Star Light. I believe in what we do, because I believe in the amazing sex workers we serve. I am honored to work with such great people serving such a great population!

The Board of Directors of Star Light Ministries is meeting this weekend. Last night we met for dinner, introductions, and some good hanging out time. They are an amazing bunch of women.

At one point, they noticed that I kept using the phrase “sex workers,” which I’ve discussed here. One person asked, “Who does the term include?” Well, it includes porn stars, exotic dancers, erotic modeling, phone sex operators, escorts, street-level survival prostitutes, professional dominatrices, and many, many more.

“Why that term?” they asked. I replied, “The sex workers I have met prefer the term, it is a better descriptor of what they do, work, and it highlights the fact that many people in the sex industry work in several different places in the sex industry.”

Kit Heifner, a passionate Star Light Board member piped up, “Well, I guess we need to change our mission statement to say sex workers!”

I love these people!

So I run this growing non-profit. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s called Star Light.

And as the Executive Director, sometimes I have to do things that I hate. You want to know one of the things I hate? I hate figuring out the books. I spent three hours this morning getting the financial records good enough for the Board. Did you notice that? Just good enough.

There are other things I hate. Booking travel. Doing taxes. Keeping the thank you notes up to date.

We have our Board meeting this Saturday. And you know one of the things that I’m asking the universe for? Either someone on the Board who would keep the financial records OR enough money to pay an assistant. My ideal would be someone in sex work who wants a “straight” job either as a resume builder or a way to give back to the sex work community. Even better, someone who would see the job as BOTH!

You know the things I love? I love hanging out with sex workers. Making new friends. Preaching (I’m doing that in Birmingham this Sunday!). Caring for people. Training volunteers. Seeing the light in people’s eyes. Seeing my Board members. Telling people how wonderful sex workers are.

Yeah, the good definitely outweighs the bad… And after 3 hours of doing paperwork, I needed to remember that.

A lot of times I can complain (let’s face it, bitch) about the complexities of the work that I do. Sex work has a lot of complexities: the diversity of the work, the variations of reasons that women choose sex work, the divergence of economic opportunities, the list could go on and on. And sometimes I do go on and on about it.

But it is days like today that remind me of the really simple truth.

Sex workers need friends, allies, and people who care.

Just like everyone else, sex workers deal with loss: a man loses his mother, a woman takes her own life, a beloved dog dies. In these moments of pain that we all share, it’s never good to be alone.

Can’t we make sure that sex workers aren’t alone? Will you join me in breathing a prayer, having a kind thought, holding in the light, whatever it is that you do, for the sex workers who are in pain?

What does it really mean when a person asks, “Isn’t it true that most people in sex work have been sexually abused?”

I’ve posted on this before, but it is the most annoying question I get in my professional life.

There’s a supposition in that statement that one distinct event affects our life decisions. That statement is, at best, a narrow way of looking at our life choices. Ask anyone why they chose their life’s work. “Teacher, why did you choose to be a teacher?” She may answer, “Well, I chose teaching because I wanted to spend more time with my children (one event, having children, determined career choice).” But the teacher will inevitably answer further, “and I really love the way children’s eyes light up when they get a concept. And I really want to make a difference in the world. Plus, I had a great teacher in the 3rd grade, who really challenged me and changed my life.”

See? Our career choices are not determined by one event in our lives. That first example could even be based in a hurtful, bad event. I imagine that one teacher could respond, “I had a really terrible teacher in the 3rd grade who left me feeling degraded and humiliated. I thought I could do better than her.” Hence, a teacher is redeeming a bad experience through offering a better experience.

And yes, that teacher could make their career choice and not understand ALL the aspects of her choice. The memory of the 3rd grade teacher may not reappear until much later, when the teacher has an epiphany, “Oh! I’m doing this because of my 3rd grade teacher (whether a good experience or bad).”

All of our decisions come out of our experience, whether good or bad.

I chose to work with sex workers because of my determination that the church had it wrong when it came to sex workers, and really, the church has it wrong when you’re dealing with anyone who is perceived to be “outside the norm.” I also chose to work with sex workers because I was really sick of feeling marginalized by the men where I went to seminary, which didn’t become clear to me until much later. And working with sex workers has helped me work through that anger (again, redemption), to understanding and acceptance. I chose working with sex workers for other reasons, too. I like to control my own work. I like building relationships with people. I totally dig the women I’ve met—their strength, their beauty, their passion. I’ve met some of the most brilliant people. I’m convinced that Jesus would do this same sort of work, he would look at the people I work with and say, “Ya’ll are my friends.” (Of course, Jesus would say ya’ll.)

I’ve met sex workers who were sexually abused, and their career choice helped redeem those bad things that happened to them. For one friend who was abused by a teen kid up the street, stripping gave HER the option of WHEN to take her clothes off. Stripping gave her back control of her body. But really, it wasn’t the only reason she was there. She was there to make money, to have flexible hours, to have fun. There’s no ONE reason why she stripped.

But there’s a deeper assumption in that original question, “Isn’t it true that most people in sex work have been sexually abused?” There’s a judgment about sex work, that sex work is evil. Sex work isn’t evil. It’s work. It’s hard work, too. Sure, there are downsides to it, but really, who doesn’t have downsides in their work? If it was all fun, they wouldn’t call it work, they’d call it play.

The energy that is sucked up by our judging one another could be so much better expended by taking care of one another, learning from one another, listening to one another, and well, loving one another.

The Ex-Courtesan in Transition wrote this yesterday, and I really like it:

I wish all these powerful, intelligent, articulate women would funnel all their passion into action, rather than egotistical sqabbling. I keep wondering what could be accomplished if all that angry, negative angry was transmuted into positive, creative energy, then acted upon in ways that benefitted women and the world in tangible ways.

Amen, and amen.