Star Light Ministries

In working with sex workers, there’s always an interesting dichotomy in place. On one side, Star Light never encourages a woman to leave the industry. By encouraging a woman to get out, we are judging the work that she does, and therefore judging her. On the other side, Star Light volunteers are often approached by women who want to leave the adult industry.

So, how do we “walk the line?”

Here’s what I’ve decided to do. First, I’m going to quit panicking about seeming like I’m trying to get people to quit the industry. I’m not doing that. Next, I’m going to quit calling it “quitting the industry.” Instead, I’m going to talk about “transitioning.” It makes more sense, and is a word suggested to me by a wonderfully bright sex worker.

So, transitions. We’re all in them. Physiologically, emotionally, relationally. We’re all transitioning all the time.

I’m going to start writing some posts about transitioning. Keep an eye out!

I’ve been spending a lot of time (too much time, probably) at this site. I love this!

What is the seal of liberation? — No longer being ashamed in front of oneself.

The site randomly pairs a Family Circus strip with a quote from Nietzsche. Refresh the page and see more. It gives you a great pairing about 3 out of 5 times.

Enjoy!

How many times have I heard it since I’ve been doing this work? At least thousands. How many times have I heard it in the last week? Several. It’s my least favorite phrase when sex work comes up: “The women in sex work have been abused as children.”

Come on. You’ve heard it, too. It’s like the mantra of ministries working with women in the sex industry. “Poor little women have been sexually abused.”

Argh!

You know, I haven’t polled all the women in sex work. I don’t know if all of them have been sexually abused. I have heard statistics that of women in the United States, 3 out of 5 of them have been sexually abused. And, by the way, 1 out of 6 boys. But what does this prove? That people who have been sexually abused go straight to sex work? Nope.

Do you understand what seeing all the women in sex work as victims does? Well, let me tell you. It victimizes them. It takes away from them the idea that they are fully formed people capable of making their own choices. It removes agency. Is that your intended outcome? Nope.

I wish I could poll everybody in the world and ask them a few questions. Has sex ever been used as a weapon or an instrument of power against you? Have you ever been manipulated in order to get sex? Has anyone ever used your body and then tossed you to the side? Would anyone (male or female) be able to answer these questions with a “No”? Nope.

Sex can be used to overpower, manipulate, degrade, and abuse people.

Sex can also be used to equalize, share, uplift and celebrate people.

Sex can be about power. Or sex can be about mutuality.

Stop calling sex workers VICTIMS. Yes, I know, it makes raising money for your cause more difficult, if they aren’t seen as victims. Stop seeing sex workers as other. Reach into your own memory, when sex has been used against you, when sex hasn’t been about mutuality, but has instead been about something else. And when you do, perhaps you will see that sex workers are no different than you.

Reach into yourself and find the phrase that is the most liberating of all…

“We are not different.”

Success interests me. Not in the usual, “Let’s make lots of money and buy a new German car” kinda way, but in the “Happy with my life, like who I am, and proud of the work I do” kinda way. I’ve been thinking through the things that give that, when it comes to work and relationships.

First, you have to have choices. You have to feel like this is exactly what you’ve chosen to do.

Second, you have to have some type of affirmation. This can be in people’s responses to you, recognition, or even money. I remember the first time I preached and got a check—it was the most amazing feeling. I mean, I’d do this work for free and you’re going to pay me?

Third, you have to continue moving forward. You have to have some sort of learning curve, new activities to do, and some variation day-to-day.

What more do you need to feel successful?

Do you have it?