Star Light Ministries

I always wonder why “gratefullness” is not a word, then I remember, “Oh! It’s gratitude!”

On a bad day, it’s always good to remember what you’re grateful for. So I’m taking a deep breath, and writing 15 things for which I’m grateful.

1. Loving parents.
2. Great friends (I may get more specific).
3. An amazing church, Richmond Mennonite Fellowship. They really GET it.
4. Star Light Ministries, and all the people who make it what it is.
5. Shelter.
6. My car, and the fact that it’s paid off!
7. The price of gas has gone down.
8. I’m going to see my friend Sohini next Monday.
9. My friend Jack and his amazing art work.
10. The friends I’ve made on the internet (not talking about dating sites here!).
11. Laughter, and lots of it.
12. New friends.
13. My best friends, Todd and Kelly.
14. My godchildren.
15. My brain.

Wow. When I started, I thought it’d be hard to make it to 15. Instead, I don’t want to stop.

I found a prayer in Gates of Prayer: The New Union Prayer Book, the prayer book used by many reform synagogues. Here it is:

There are many who say: “O that we might see some good! Bestow Your favor upon us, O Eternal One!” And yet You have put joy in my heart, more than others have when their grain and their wine abound. In peace I will both ie down and sleep, for You alone, Lord, make me live unafraid.

May it ever be.

A lot of times I can complain (let’s face it, bitch) about the complexities of the work that I do. Sex work has a lot of complexities: the diversity of the work, the variations of reasons that women choose sex work, the divergence of economic opportunities, the list could go on and on. And sometimes I do go on and on about it.

But it is days like today that remind me of the really simple truth.

Sex workers need friends, allies, and people who care.

Just like everyone else, sex workers deal with loss: a man loses his mother, a woman takes her own life, a beloved dog dies. In these moments of pain that we all share, it’s never good to be alone.

Can’t we make sure that sex workers aren’t alone? Will you join me in breathing a prayer, having a kind thought, holding in the light, whatever it is that you do, for the sex workers who are in pain?

I’ve been spending a lot of time (too much time, probably) at this site. I love this!

What is the seal of liberation? — No longer being ashamed in front of oneself.

The site randomly pairs a Family Circus strip with a quote from Nietzsche. Refresh the page and see more. It gives you a great pairing about 3 out of 5 times.

Enjoy!

Sometimes the four walls of my room seem to hold me rather than shelter me. My independence swallows me rather than liberates me. My many opportunities for change seem to mock me, leaving
me complacent, and perhaps with too many choices.

I’ve noticed over the last few days that many people in sex work feel the same way. While it’s always easy to just point to one or two reasons for this feeling, it’s probably not accurate to do so. Just as it’s not really accurate to say that my loneliness could be alleviated by being in a group of people. It may be true, but it’s not fully accurate.

But these are the feelings and explanations for the feelings in sex work that I’ve heard over the last few weeks:

Isolation

Judgment
Fear of judgment
Lack of things in common with people who aren’t in sex work or don’t understand it
Fear of being outed
Not wanting to lie or be untrue in order to make new friends

Loneliness

Working nights when everyone else is working days
Wanting to avoid the drama of other people
Partners and friends who “can’t handle it” or bring up sex work during arguments
Different interests than those you are working with

Inertia

The amount of energy it takes to “recover” from a couple of shifts
Sleeping late
Hangovers
Lack of money

There’s always a multiplicity of explanations. Just as there is a multiplicity of solutions.

Gotta go… I’m looking for solutions today.

Most ministers I know dread Mother’s Day. Most congregations expect their minister to preach a Mother’s Day sermon, extolling the virtues of mothers.

Unfortunately, not everyone has a great experience with mothers. There are those who have lost children, or are not able to have them. There are those who have been poorly mothered. There are those who have chosen not to have children. And sermons about mothers leave them feeling empty, sad, or even angry.

Jean Shinoda Bolen, in her book Goddesses in Every Woman, talks about the life-cycle of women. We move from Maiden to Mother to Crone. The maiden is carefree, picking flowers, enjoying life. The mother is creative and self-sacrificing, bringing forth life. The crone is the juicy woman of wisdom.

I saw Bolen speak one time on these archetypes in women. I dreaded hearing her speak about mothers. I have chosen not to have children. I expected to be relegated to maidenhood for eternity, or at least until I become a crotchety old woman.

But that was not the case. Bolen includes women in the mother archetype who have not had children, but nonetheless have given birth. She may have given birth to an organization, to a project, to an art project, a book, a blog. Really, the mother has poured her life into another being, being both creative and self-sacrificing.

I realized then that I am a Mother. Are you a mother?

If you are, I salute you. I honor you. You are more precious than gold and finer than rubies.

You know her as the DC Madam. You’ve heard about her in the news, about the escort service she ran in Washington, D.C., and about her conviction on April 15th of money laundering, using the mail for illegal purposes, and racketeering. On May 1, she committed suicide at her mother’s home in Florida, still pending sentencing.

The internet has been abuzz with speculation and conspiracy theories, mostly because Ms. Palfrey announced on a radio show months ago that she wouldn’t commit suicide. And many bloggers have commented on the disparity between Ms. Palfrey’s conviction and the fact that her “johns” have faced very few consequences.

I’m not much of one to take part in conspiracy theories. I am not really sure how I feel about prostitution, whether it should be legalized, decriminalized, or even whether the sex workers or the johns should be held responsible. It seems to me that all of the “solutions” to prostitution are uneven and unwieldy, at best, and downright unjust at worst.

What I do know is this: I am saddened by the death of Deborah Jeane Palfrey. She wrote in her suicide note to her sister, “You must comprehend there was no way out, I.E. ‘exit strategy,’ for me other than the one I have chosen here.” It really makes me sad that Ms. Palfrey was so hopeless.

In my prayers, I am remembering Ms. Palfrey’s family.

Rest in peace, Deborah Jeane.

I had a dream a few weeks ago. I was in an airport, and the airport was underwater. I seemed to be in a cafeteria, and planes were taking off, and not without a lot of trouble. Each plane took off, but then it would weave back and forth, then eventually really get in the air.

Until one came tumbling back down. Straight for the sort of cafe-torium where I was having lunch. I knew that it was going to shatter the glass roof, and that I was underwater and I would drown. I pointed it out to other people, and we all sat there in stunned silence watching.

I knew, in this moment, that I was going to die. There was no anxiety. I remember thinking, “I’ll drown, and that’s a peaceful way to go.” And then, just as the plane was about to hit the glass roof, I breathed a prayer. “Thank you, God, for everything.”

May it ever be.

March 2, 2008

What’s the leading question in most of my emails this week? It’s “What do you think about the raid at Velvet?” Of course, people are asking because I live in Richmond, and I know a little bit about strip clubs in the area.

Well, let me just tell you… I don’t know what I think about Sam Moore and his club. Yes, I’ve been there. Yes, I’ve seen him. And yes, I have met some lovely young women who work there.

And that’s who I’m thinking about: the dancers. How are they coping with the media onslaught? How are they feeling since there have been implications of prostitution at the club? How are they feeling that there was activity in the club that they may or may not have known about?

Especially, I want to know how business is. Are they making the money that they are used to make and have come to depend on? Are they taking care of themselves, financially and emotionally? This would be a difficult time for anyone going through this. I want each of you to know that you are cared about, and if you need anything, to please feel free to contact me on the Star Light Dancers page.

Here’s a prayer that blogger Rae at Journey Mama wrote. It’s my prayer for you today.

I wish you nothing but good. The good that sustains you and is something you can lean against, like the tallest, thickest tree. The kind of good that feeds you when you can’t feed yourself. I wish you good.

I wish you kindness, the kindness that sends you a loving glance rather than a reproachful one. Someone to kiss your forehead when you are tired, and then to kiss you on that one spot on your cheekbone just because. I want someone to put their hands on either side of your face and tell you that you are so, so beautiful. That they will never leave you.

I wish you puddles of sunlight on wooden floors. Thick rugs. Tea or coffee with friends, or just by yourself, with a book, maybe a crossword puzzle. I wish you afghans to keep you warm, down comforters on the coldest days, hot water for your tired feet. I wish you calm and peace.

I wish you a clean home at the end of the day, firelight in deep winter, fields of flowers in the summer. I wish you wildness, the tangle of the ocean, hot sand and craggy rock formations. I wish you singing. I wish you dancing. I want to see laughter in your eyes, I want to think of you smiling.

I wish you small children who will pat your arm and smile up at you, or hug your knees really hard, grown children who will lean over you and kiss your head. I wish you warm rain that you can wade through with soaking clothes, I wish you flowering cacti in your deserts.

I pray that the good will keep you. That you will be safe in the midst of danger. That you are taller than you were yesterday, even if you are a bit scarred. I pray that your dark places are not lonely, that you feel sheltered, not stifled, that your legs will be strong from running. I pray that your tears are not bitter, that your heart is always soothed.

I wish you courage. I wish you home.

May it ever be.

February 17, 2008

I’ve been reading a book called Praying in Color: Drawing a New Path to God. The concept is simple: draw and pray at the same time. So I sat down to pray for Star Light. Here’s what my prayer looks like.

I’m amazed at the connections, the vibrancy, and just how much there is to pray for. I hope you’ll find yourself in here, and know that you have been prayed for. (Click on the page to really see it!)

By the way, the little stars with no writing? They’re former dancers. The whole page is dotted with them, just like the ministry of Star Light is dotted with former dancers. I said special prayers of thanks for each of these amazing women.

February 10, 2008

The World Famous Bob, one of the performers at the Sex Workers Art Show, has a blog on MySpace. First of all, I’d like to say that Bob was my favorite act of the day. Bob is beautiful, funny, talented, and just totally amazing. I met her after the show and found her to be really REAL. I know, I know, that sounds weird, but to meet hundreds of people in an evening, and to be nice and engaged with each one, is quite a talent.

To top it off, she wrote this, about her experience at William and Mary. So, she wins my Sex Worker of the Week Award. Maybe even the month…

When we arrived the tension amongst the performers was visible- I did not know what to expect so I picked out my “Meet The Protesters” outfit carefully. I chose leopard- the colour of painted city ladies for eons. Black FAKE fur coat, sensible leopard scarf around my head Movie Star style to match my leopard top, & a pair of pink sunglasses- nude lip. There were channel 13 & Fox 5 News vans waiting and our gorgeous leader Annie Oakley agreed to interviews. The group of protesters were given an area and they decorated it with signs that quoted scripture & signs that said “W&M is a college- not a stripclub” . The protesters numbers were low- starting with 4 and growing to MAYBE 20. They joined hands in a circle and prayed for our souls. I addressed this in the Q&A after the show. I’d like to thank the people that prayed for us outside the show. I felt that it was the most desirable form of protest that we could ask for. I also feel that prayer is powerful and can generate love. I LOVE living in a country where I can say YES while others may choose NO. I don’t need everyone to agree with me and I am most definitely often wrong in my life anyways. I feel that this is one of the beauties of the human experience that we are offered when born. The chance to grow and develop doesn’t stop at a certain age, it’s always there. I’ve made decisions that I NEVER thought I would. Like being sober for the past 10 years- I NEVER thought I’d stop drinking or using drugs BUT I DID! The only limits ANY of us have are the ones we put on ourselves and I APPLAUD the Christians for coming down & praying for us. They walked their talk and that’s a lot more than a lot of us do. Thank you to the students at W&M College that worked SO hard to let us have a voice and in doing so insure that they could have one too!
~Love & Poodle Kisses, World Famous *BOB* - The Dream Come True Girl!

Okay, beautiful, funny, and amazingly generous.