Star Light Ministries

Okay, there’s a confession I have to make. I <3 Kevin Smith. He's dreamy, funny, and he has his wife's name tattooed on his arm. What could be more perfect? In fact, I love him so much, I read his blog. I know more about his sex life than I should. And I just think he’s BRILLIANT!

Well, the only thing more perfect than Kevin Smith is, yep, you guessed it, Seth Rogen. He is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. Burly, gruff, funny, plus his hair is like a Brillo pad. He makes my heart go thump-thump-thump. But don’t tell anyone, okay?

So of course I had to go see Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Or, as the commercials would have you believe it’s called, Zack and Miri. And the verdict? It was great.

Now, you know you’ve seen all the Kevin Smith movies. Mall Rats. Clerks (I and II), Dogma, Jersey Girl, and Chasing Amy. Of all of these, you must understand, Chasing Amy is still was my favorite. Dogma is the best for all the religious stuff (I’ve actually preached a sermon or two on Buddy Christ), but Chasing Amy is the best. The plot is replete with romance, and hey! I’m a chick and I love romance.

But for me, Zack and Miri might be my new favorite. It’s got plot. It’s got jokes that make the 14-year-old boy who is stuck inside of me laugh out loud (much like Seth Rogen’s other roles). And hey, it’s got sex workers! Oh, and did I mention that it’s got ROMANCE? What more could a girl ask for?

Honestly, there’s probably no preach-able scenes in this one. There’s probably no higher lesson to be learned. But hey, it’s a great movie.

And for a real porn director’s review of the movie, check out my friend Audacia Ray’s review.

Yeah, I’m a goober. I love all things Trucker. Ask me sometime about my trucker stole.

But this is what I’m lusting after right now…

I’ve been spending a lot of time (too much time, probably) at this site. I love this!

What is the seal of liberation? — No longer being ashamed in front of oneself.

The site randomly pairs a Family Circus strip with a quote from Nietzsche. Refresh the page and see more. It gives you a great pairing about 3 out of 5 times.

Enjoy!

Success interests me. Not in the usual, “Let’s make lots of money and buy a new German car” kinda way, but in the “Happy with my life, like who I am, and proud of the work I do” kinda way. I’ve been thinking through the things that give that, when it comes to work and relationships.

First, you have to have choices. You have to feel like this is exactly what you’ve chosen to do.

Second, you have to have some type of affirmation. This can be in people’s responses to you, recognition, or even money. I remember the first time I preached and got a check—it was the most amazing feeling. I mean, I’d do this work for free and you’re going to pay me?

Third, you have to continue moving forward. You have to have some sort of learning curve, new activities to do, and some variation day-to-day.

What more do you need to feel successful?

Do you have it?

Sometimes the four walls of my room seem to hold me rather than shelter me. My independence swallows me rather than liberates me. My many opportunities for change seem to mock me, leaving
me complacent, and perhaps with too many choices.

I’ve noticed over the last few days that many people in sex work feel the same way. While it’s always easy to just point to one or two reasons for this feeling, it’s probably not accurate to do so. Just as it’s not really accurate to say that my loneliness could be alleviated by being in a group of people. It may be true, but it’s not fully accurate.

But these are the feelings and explanations for the feelings in sex work that I’ve heard over the last few weeks:

Isolation

Judgment
Fear of judgment
Lack of things in common with people who aren’t in sex work or don’t understand it
Fear of being outed
Not wanting to lie or be untrue in order to make new friends

Loneliness

Working nights when everyone else is working days
Wanting to avoid the drama of other people
Partners and friends who “can’t handle it” or bring up sex work during arguments
Different interests than those you are working with

Inertia

The amount of energy it takes to “recover” from a couple of shifts
Sleeping late
Hangovers
Lack of money

There’s always a multiplicity of explanations. Just as there is a multiplicity of solutions.

Gotta go… I’m looking for solutions today.

A friend sent me this and I thought it was funny.

A friend and I were having a conversation the other day about the stigma surrounding sex work and its effect on people trying to get out of the industry. Suddenly, she stopped.

“Lia,” she said, “You face the same sort of stigma in your work.”

“Huh?” I asked.

She answered, “Just like sex workers are stigmatized by the stereotypes that people have about sex workers, you’re stigmatized by the stereotypes that people have about Christians.”

I did a little research about the word stigma. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a stigma can be a mark of shame or discredit, a tattoo, an identifying mark, or a scar from a hot iron. Stigmata is the plural form.

I believe that my friend is right. I am stigmatized by the stereotypes that many carry for Christians. And just like in sex work, those stereotypes are more often the exception than the rule.

Wouldn’t life be much simpler and lovelier if we just took people for who they are instead of making assumptions about them?

Most ministers I know dread Mother’s Day. Most congregations expect their minister to preach a Mother’s Day sermon, extolling the virtues of mothers.

Unfortunately, not everyone has a great experience with mothers. There are those who have lost children, or are not able to have them. There are those who have been poorly mothered. There are those who have chosen not to have children. And sermons about mothers leave them feeling empty, sad, or even angry.

Jean Shinoda Bolen, in her book Goddesses in Every Woman, talks about the life-cycle of women. We move from Maiden to Mother to Crone. The maiden is carefree, picking flowers, enjoying life. The mother is creative and self-sacrificing, bringing forth life. The crone is the juicy woman of wisdom.

I saw Bolen speak one time on these archetypes in women. I dreaded hearing her speak about mothers. I have chosen not to have children. I expected to be relegated to maidenhood for eternity, or at least until I become a crotchety old woman.

But that was not the case. Bolen includes women in the mother archetype who have not had children, but nonetheless have given birth. She may have given birth to an organization, to a project, to an art project, a book, a blog. Really, the mother has poured her life into another being, being both creative and self-sacrificing.

I realized then that I am a Mother. Are you a mother?

If you are, I salute you. I honor you. You are more precious than gold and finer than rubies.

I had a dream a few weeks ago. I was in an airport, and the airport was underwater. I seemed to be in a cafeteria, and planes were taking off, and not without a lot of trouble. Each plane took off, but then it would weave back and forth, then eventually really get in the air.

Until one came tumbling back down. Straight for the sort of cafe-torium where I was having lunch. I knew that it was going to shatter the glass roof, and that I was underwater and I would drown. I pointed it out to other people, and we all sat there in stunned silence watching.

I knew, in this moment, that I was going to die. There was no anxiety. I remember thinking, “I’ll drown, and that’s a peaceful way to go.” And then, just as the plane was about to hit the glass roof, I breathed a prayer. “Thank you, God, for everything.”

May it ever be.

How do you feel when you’re in pain? How do you feel when someone else is in pain? A couple of examples…

A few days ago I wore a pair of shoes that are not walking shoes. And then I went walking. About 2/3 through the day, I noticed a big blister on the top of my second toe (the one next to the thumb of the toe world). It hurt. Every step I took it hurt more. It felt like a tiny rock inside the top of my shoes. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Relatively minor pain, eh? How did I feel? Well, I wanted to fix it. Make it stop. So, I popped my shoes off in the parking lot of the store I was walking in, and walked the rest of the way to my car without my shoes. Problem solved. No more pain.

But what about deeper pain? I met a manager at a club recently who was in serious emotional pain. A relationship had just ended. He was really sad, kinda drunk, and just in deep pain. So how should a person respond to his pain? Well, our obvious response to it is to figure out a way to fix it, solve it, make the pain end. Some typical responses might include:

saying something like “You’re going to learn a lot from this.”
responding with a “This will be over soon.”
suggesting, “The only way to get over a woman is to get under another one,” or a similar thing like, “There are other fish in the sea. You’ll find someone else.”
adding our own story, “I’ve been there, and let me tell you about my pain.”

But does this solve pain? Quite the opposite, it usually adds to it. Trite, empty phrases typically leave people feeling like a cliché: trite and empty. Any of these phrases minimizes the pain that the person you’re talking to is going through. When you take the focus off of the person, and bring it on yourself, then you have made their pain seem unimportant, even worse, you’ve made them feel unimportant.

So how should we respond?

Stay in the pain. Don’t minimize it.
Feel the pain with the person. You may even recollect the time you were in pain. How did you feel? But don’t tell the person that, just remember the feeling. Empathize.
Ask questions. Keep the focus on the person you’re talking to.
Don’t try to fix it. Just listen.
Stay in the moment.

There is value in the phrase Misery loves company. None of us likes to be pushed to solve our pain. None of us likes to be alone in it, either. Share our pain with us. Walk with us in it. Stay with us.