Star Light Ministries

For the last month or so, the Star Light team in Birmingham, Alabama has been visiting all the clubs in Birmingham. Usually, they only visit two clubs, but now they’ve been visiting all of them. There are 6 clubs.

The team visited with information about the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. coming to Birmingham. They told the dancers, the managers, and the housemoms about the economic advantage that the EDMBA offers dancers. After the seminar, dancers will make and keep more of their money.

Armed with registration forms, gifts, and sometimes even tips, the teams signed women up for the Sunday event that started at 12:30, with childcare available.

13 women signed up. Seven of those women had pre-paid, either the total $50 for the event or a deposit. The Birmingham team was psyched.

Fast forward to Sunday. It’s 12:30. One woman has come to the event, and another has called for directions. Two women showed up, and another came at about 2 o’clock. Even though 7 prepaid, only 3 came.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not upset that only 3 women showed up. I’m thrilled that 3 women showed up! I know that these 3 women, bright, beautiful, and wonderful were exactly the women who needed the EDMBA. I have full confidence that they will use the skills and the network to increase their agency. I also have full confidence that these women were the women that I needed to meet. They showed me a side of exotic dancing that I haven’t seen in a while.

Because of the women’s privacy, I don’t want to share too much. But these women needed to be affirmed, feel loved, and learn the skills Star Light taught.

I was reminded of the story about the little boy on the beach after a terrible hurricane. He’s walking along the beach, picking up starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. An older gentleman walks up and says, “Why are you bothering with throwing them back in the ocean? You can’t make a difference!”

The little boy picked up another starfish, tossed it gently into the life-giving waves. “Made a difference to that one,” he said.

I love Harm Reduction as a concept. Harm reduction is most commonly seen in condom and needle programs. Many people are critical of this concept, mostly because it seems as if you are “condoning the behavior.” But, you know, a person has to live in order to make different choices in their lives. You can’t make a different decision if you’re dead, can you? Therefore, using condoms (reducing the risk of STD’s) and clean needles (reducing the risk of getting HIV/AIDS and hepatitis) can perhaps leave you with the energy and health to make different decisions at a later date.

Star Light uses Harm Reduction principles. And the best list I have seen in a long time is Renegade Evolution’s list of harm reduction principles.

-Accepts, for better and for worse, that the sex industry is part of our world and chooses to work to minimize harmful effects rather than simply ignore or condemn them.

-Understands the sex industry as a complex, multifaceted thing encompasses a vast range of activities, and acknowledges that some aspects of the sex industry are clearly more dangerous than others, and those working in the sex industry may have vastly different needs.

-Calls for the non-judgmental, non-coercive provision of services and resources to people who are involved in the sex industry and bases those provisions around the wants and needs of the sex worker/ prostituted person.

-Ensures that sex workers/ prostituted people and those with a history in the sex industry have a real voice in the creation of programs and policies designed to serve them.

-Affirms sex workers/prostituted people themselves as the primary agents in setting the course of their lives, and seeks to empower them to share information, support strategies and resources which meet their actual needs.

-Recognizes that the realities of poverty, class, racism, social isolation, past trauma, education, abuse and other social inequalities affect both people’s vulnerability to harm and capacity for independent operation.

-Does not attempt to minimize or ignore the real potential harm and danger associated with the sex industry.

-Does not attempt to minimize or ignore the choices and agency of those involved with the sex industry.

This is the thinking behind the implementation of the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. Making more money brings the dancers more agency, more opportunities, more success. And living a life with more agency, more opportunities and more success will foster even more agency, more opportunities and more success!

We care about the lives of exotic dancers. We want to help make their lives better. The Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. does make their lives better.

And it’s fun, too!

On September 21, we’ll have our second Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. in Birmingham, Alabama. Come learn how to make more money as a dancer, how to save and invest that money, meet some great people and have fun! Avalon from Arizona will be joining us!

In early December, we’ll have our first Sex Worker, M.B.A. in New York City. In addition to the wonderful Avalon, we’ll be joined by Amanda Brooks, author of The Internet Escort’s Handbook. It’s going to be a great day! We’re also working on planning a second day, with two or three tracks going a little deeper. Stay tuned for more information!

I am sitting here getting ready for a Board meeting for Star Light. I want to take all the lessons I’ve learned from sex work bloggers and from the Desiree Alliance’s conference, Pulling Back the Sheets, back to my Board, as a much needed guide for our work.

Will you please answer these questions, and pass them on to anyone who you think would like a voice in our work? If you have a blog where you would like to post the questions, please feel free, and please feel free to send folks my email address (or publish it) to answer them. You can email me the answers or post them in the comments.

For those of you who don’t know, Star Light shares unconditional love and friendship with women who are exotic dancers so they will not forget they are also loved and valued by God. We help them build supportive communities and find resources for successful living.

1) What do you think are the most pressing issues for people in sex work? In what way could Star Light help meet those needs?

2) Our Mission Statement says, “build supportive communities and find resources for successful living.” What would a supportive community feel like to you? What are some resources you can identify that would make you more successful in your goals?

3) What response do you expect to get, given your work, from people who are from “the Church?” How would you like for that to change?

4) How do you, today, get your spiritual needs met? Do you feel like this is a need for you? Can you imagine a place where you might feel free to get those needs met? What would be some ways that those needs could get met?

5) What would you recommend that Star Light’s Board read in order to understand your experience? Shorter is better, and blog posts would be great. I’d like to compile a little reading list for them, so please point me to one of your posts (or one of you favorite blogger’s posts) that best explains your life and work.

All answers and respondees will be given complete anonymity (unless, of course, you post your answers on the blog!). My real purpose is to find guiding principles for Star Light.

Thank you so much for answering these! I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all the experiences I had at the Desiree Alliance, and for this amazing community of folks in sex work.

Lia

It happened! And it was AMAZING! Star Light’s first Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. came together on April 28, 2008, and what a successful exciting beginning it has been for our new venture…

The day started with a self-care session. I taught a brief session on personal interaction styles based on Myers-Briggs, and then turned the focus to boundaries, those pesky limits that are worth recognizing and cherishing.

Next came the intensive from SuperStripper Avalon about money matters where we learned how to open a checking account, a savings account, and get out of debt. We learned about Money Markets and Individual Retirement Plans. We learned to budget. We learned why it’s important to plan for the future.

Then came the fun art project led by Urban Artist, Caroline Armijo. We made collages, focusing on the things we love to do, the great qualities we all possess, and our hopes and dreams. Tapping the artists in us all, we turned those collages into “cootie catchers,” those fun fortune-tellers that we made when we were 8 years old. We were reminded that if we do what we love, be who we are, we can have our hopes and dreams.

The final session was on sales skills (because stripping is sales). I think my favorite part of the day was practicing a “head-bobbing” technique to convince people that THEY WANT WHAT WE’RE SELLING. It was so funny watching the students and volunteers head-bobbing to one another as we practiced!

I received this note from one of our students:

Re: I think it’s working!
Just wanted to let you know how my first day back at work went.

I rocked!!!!!!!! It really wasn’t too busy and I managed to get more dances than I usually do! I did my best to put my new sales skills to work, and sold more than I usually sell!

My night DJ said I was smiling all night and my manager said he could see a difference in me when I hit the floor. He was so impressed he wanted to know if we should have the course taught at the club and make everyone attend!

I know it’s just one day so I’m not going to pretend that I’ve got this down yet but I definitely on my way!

Thanks again for making this available!

Star Light has three goals for the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. The first is that our students will feel accepted. The second is to give them real resources that they can use. The third is to create community. We achieved and surpassed all of these.

There are too many people to thank in this email, but I do want to say that we had amazing support from all of you….Patient volunteers who stayed to ensure that dancers felt welcome and accepted. Great volunteers who helped with outreach to welcoming churches, setting up supplies and gifts for the dancers, and so much more. Gracious vendors: Crossroads Coffee in Richmond, who donated our breakfast, Breadwinners Catering who provided an wonderful lunch, and Gallery5, who provided a wonderful space that was great. Wonderful photographer Jay Paul, who documented the day. And last but certainly not least, the so many wonderful supporters whose donations helped make this event possible.

Thank you all.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Have you ever wondered how the downturn in the economy effects women who are exotic dancers?

I’ve wondered, too, and while I don’t have any statistics on it, I’d like to tell you what happened to me in a club last week, on a marathon day where I visited 6 clubs.

I talked with one manager about the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. program. He was enthusiastic about it, thought it was a great idea, but he didn’t think any of the dancers would come.

“Why not?” I asked. Instead of answering directly, he stopped a dancer walking out of the club. “Starry Night?” he asked, “How much money did you make today?” Starry Night answered, “It was the best day I’ve had in a while…I made $75 after tip out.”

The manager turned back to me. “They can’t afford $50.”

The manager went on to say that he thinks it has to do with the economy.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. As birthdays go, it was a really wonderful one, with many messages from many wonderful friends. A day of love. I thank you all.

It’s impossible not to spend some time on your 40th birthday reflecting on your life. I asked myself, “Am I happy? Am I doing what I want to do with my life? Am I making the difference I want to make? What’s important to me, and does my life reflect this?”

As a result of recent work with an Executive Coach, Cary Kelly, I have identified the purpose of my life: to offer acceptance to everyone I meet. I grew up with an understanding that God loved me because God had to, but that perhaps God didn’t like me very much. You’ve heard it before from religious folks, haven’t you? God loves you, but you have to change so that God can accept you?

That’s not how I experience God anymore. I think that even more than loving us, God accepts us, who we are, how we are, what we do, all of it. It’s deeper than, “I love you but don’t like you.” It’s actually more like “I think you’re the neatest person I have ever met!” (Okay, yeah, I think God uses words like “neat.”)

And as a result of that deep acceptance by God, I figure that the best use of my time and energy is to spread that around. And that is what I’m doing with my life. The amazing thing about it is that it’s so much fun! A few weeks ago, a dancer on on a stripper forum suggested that Star Light has an agenda, based on her assumption that all of religion has an agenda. She wrote, they have “an agenda disguised in compassion.” Yes, we have an agenda (offering acceptance). Now that’s the kind of criticism I’m willing to have every day!

My favorite part of my birthday was going to a strip club. I stopped by a club to give the owner information about the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A., and just to say hi. After telling the owner that it was my birthday, he tried to buy me a beer, lunch or dinner! What a nice gesture! And proof to me that if you have the agenda of offering acceptance, it comes back to you ten-fold.

May it ever be.

Because we believe that exotic dancing is a job, not a lifestyle, Star Light is pleased to announce our new pilot program, Exotic Dancer, M.B.A. It’s a one day seminar for women who are exotic dancers. We’ll have our first graduating class on April 28, 2008, in Richmond, Virginia.

In the seminar we will feature:

The Essentials of Self-Care
Personal Finance for Exotic Dancers
The Economics of Stripping
Art Appreciation

We are so excited about this new venture. It is our sincere hope that this will help Star Light fulfill it’s mission: sharing unconditional love and friendship with women who are exotic dancers so they will not forget they are also loved and valued by God, and helping them build supportive communities and find resources for successful living.

You can find out more information here!

Exotic Dancer, M.B.A.