Star Light Ministries

Yeah, even after all these years, sometimes I still get that question.

Here’s LaLibertine’s interpretation, which is nearly the best I’ve seen. Quantifiable? Maybe not. But real? Absolutely.

Star Light Ministries:
I have to do a special shoutout to Lia here. Starlight Ministries is not specifically a sex worker rights organization dedicated to changing legislation. However, it does aim to help destigmatize sex work. Starlight Ministries is a Christian organization (yes, I know!) that primarily works with exotic dancers but all sex workers are genuinely welcomed with open arms. There is no patronizing or condescending here. No, “Well, God would love you if only you got out of sex work!” It’s more, “God loves you” period. Let’s face it, for many sex workers, that little statement would make ALL the difference in the world. I won’t lie, I do not like the Christian Church at all for many reasons. However, Lia and her ministry practice what that whole “Love thy neighbor as thyself” thing is supposed to be. Truly.

LaLibertine has written one of the best posts I’ve seen about the Sex Worker Movement. And yeah, it is a movement. If you really want to understand, go read it. Please, go read it.

So I wrote a post about a book not long ago, Eat, Pray, Love, and put a photo of the book on the blog. Now two different people have taken that photo, which links back to Star Light, and placed it on their blog.

Hmmmm. Should I tell them that they’re sending me traffic?

I have conversations with sex workers nearly everyday of my life. And I listen.

I hear differing points-of-view. I hear stories of women pimped into strip clubs, sold to strip clubs. I hear stories of women getting ahead financially and being empowered by sex work. I hear stories of women who cry before every shift. I hear stories of women being excited about going to work. I hear stories of women who cannot work without drinking or using drugs. I hear stories from women who say that sex work is fun. I hear success stories of women leaving the industry. I hear stories of disappointment when women have to return to sex work. I hear stories of trouble in relationships because of sex work, both because the spouse of the sex worker can’t handle it, and on the other side, because the sex worker cannot stand to be touched. I hear stories from women who love the flexibility, freedom and autonomy that sex work gives them.

Remember, this is from sex workers about their own experience, not people writing about sex workers, people who have never done sex work, or even academics.

Who do I believe?

I believe them all.

I believe that everyone’s experience of sex work is different. Put a unique individual into a unique situation, and his or her experience will be unique.

I believe that the deepest thing that sex workers need, that all humans need, is acceptance.

Anything short of acceptance is unacceptable.

How many times have I heard it since I’ve been doing this work? At least thousands. How many times have I heard it in the last week? Several. It’s my least favorite phrase when sex work comes up: “The women in sex work have been abused as children.”

Come on. You’ve heard it, too. It’s like the mantra of ministries working with women in the sex industry. “Poor little women have been sexually abused.”

Argh!

You know, I haven’t polled all the women in sex work. I don’t know if all of them have been sexually abused. I have heard statistics that of women in the United States, 3 out of 5 of them have been sexually abused. And, by the way, 1 out of 6 boys. But what does this prove? That people who have been sexually abused go straight to sex work? Nope.

Do you understand what seeing all the women in sex work as victims does? Well, let me tell you. It victimizes them. It takes away from them the idea that they are fully formed people capable of making their own choices. It removes agency. Is that your intended outcome? Nope.

I wish I could poll everybody in the world and ask them a few questions. Has sex ever been used as a weapon or an instrument of power against you? Have you ever been manipulated in order to get sex? Has anyone ever used your body and then tossed you to the side? Would anyone (male or female) be able to answer these questions with a “No”? Nope.

Sex can be used to overpower, manipulate, degrade, and abuse people.

Sex can also be used to equalize, share, uplift and celebrate people.

Sex can be about power. Or sex can be about mutuality.

Stop calling sex workers VICTIMS. Yes, I know, it makes raising money for your cause more difficult, if they aren’t seen as victims. Stop seeing sex workers as other. Reach into your own memory, when sex has been used against you, when sex hasn’t been about mutuality, but has instead been about something else. And when you do, perhaps you will see that sex workers are no different than you.

Reach into yourself and find the phrase that is the most liberating of all…

“We are not different.”

A friend and I were having a conversation the other day about the stigma surrounding sex work and its effect on people trying to get out of the industry. Suddenly, she stopped.

“Lia,” she said, “You face the same sort of stigma in your work.”

“Huh?” I asked.

She answered, “Just like sex workers are stigmatized by the stereotypes that people have about sex workers, you’re stigmatized by the stereotypes that people have about Christians.”

I did a little research about the word stigma. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a stigma can be a mark of shame or discredit, a tattoo, an identifying mark, or a scar from a hot iron. Stigmata is the plural form.

I believe that my friend is right. I am stigmatized by the stereotypes that many carry for Christians. And just like in sex work, those stereotypes are more often the exception than the rule.

Wouldn’t life be much simpler and lovelier if we just took people for who they are instead of making assumptions about them?

February 19, 2008

Just so you know, I messed up the website. As my friend Robertson says, “You shouldn’t pretend like you know what you’re doing with the internet. You can mess it up.”

I hope that we’ll be back up and running soon!