Star Light Ministries

I am sitting here getting ready for a Board meeting for Star Light. I want to take all the lessons I’ve learned from sex work bloggers and from the Desiree Alliance’s conference, Pulling Back the Sheets, back to my Board, as a much needed guide for our work.

Will you please answer these questions, and pass them on to anyone who you think would like a voice in our work? If you have a blog where you would like to post the questions, please feel free, and please feel free to send folks my email address (or publish it) to answer them. You can email me the answers or post them in the comments.

For those of you who don’t know, Star Light shares unconditional love and friendship with women who are exotic dancers so they will not forget they are also loved and valued by God. We help them build supportive communities and find resources for successful living.

1) What do you think are the most pressing issues for people in sex work? In what way could Star Light help meet those needs?

2) Our Mission Statement says, “build supportive communities and find resources for successful living.” What would a supportive community feel like to you? What are some resources you can identify that would make you more successful in your goals?

3) What response do you expect to get, given your work, from people who are from “the Church?” How would you like for that to change?

4) How do you, today, get your spiritual needs met? Do you feel like this is a need for you? Can you imagine a place where you might feel free to get those needs met? What would be some ways that those needs could get met?

5) What would you recommend that Star Light’s Board read in order to understand your experience? Shorter is better, and blog posts would be great. I’d like to compile a little reading list for them, so please point me to one of your posts (or one of you favorite blogger’s posts) that best explains your life and work.

All answers and respondees will be given complete anonymity (unless, of course, you post your answers on the blog!). My real purpose is to find guiding principles for Star Light.

Thank you so much for answering these! I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all the experiences I had at the Desiree Alliance, and for this amazing community of folks in sex work.

Lia

A friend sent me this and I thought it was funny.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. As birthdays go, it was a really wonderful one, with many messages from many wonderful friends. A day of love. I thank you all.

It’s impossible not to spend some time on your 40th birthday reflecting on your life. I asked myself, “Am I happy? Am I doing what I want to do with my life? Am I making the difference I want to make? What’s important to me, and does my life reflect this?”

As a result of recent work with an Executive Coach, Cary Kelly, I have identified the purpose of my life: to offer acceptance to everyone I meet. I grew up with an understanding that God loved me because God had to, but that perhaps God didn’t like me very much. You’ve heard it before from religious folks, haven’t you? God loves you, but you have to change so that God can accept you?

That’s not how I experience God anymore. I think that even more than loving us, God accepts us, who we are, how we are, what we do, all of it. It’s deeper than, “I love you but don’t like you.” It’s actually more like “I think you’re the neatest person I have ever met!” (Okay, yeah, I think God uses words like “neat.”)

And as a result of that deep acceptance by God, I figure that the best use of my time and energy is to spread that around. And that is what I’m doing with my life. The amazing thing about it is that it’s so much fun! A few weeks ago, a dancer on on a stripper forum suggested that Star Light has an agenda, based on her assumption that all of religion has an agenda. She wrote, they have “an agenda disguised in compassion.” Yes, we have an agenda (offering acceptance). Now that’s the kind of criticism I’m willing to have every day!

My favorite part of my birthday was going to a strip club. I stopped by a club to give the owner information about the Exotic Dancer, M.B.A., and just to say hi. After telling the owner that it was my birthday, he tried to buy me a beer, lunch or dinner! What a nice gesture! And proof to me that if you have the agenda of offering acceptance, it comes back to you ten-fold.

May it ever be.

March 5, 2008

There has recently been a lot of discussion, in communities where I belong, about whether or not Star Light proselytizes. We are very assuredly a faith-based organization. But proselytizing? Read on.

I am a Christian. Some days I hate that word, though. One friend calls himself a Christ-follower instead of Christian, to delineate between him and “those” Christians. But most days this just feels like a cop-out. I have to admit that I really like God, I really believe in the Trinity. And most days, I feel like it is a good thing.

I don’t like exclusivism. I don’t, in any way shape or form, like the “us vs. them” attitude that is espoused by the religious right. I cringe every time I hear Christians say, “We’re persecuted,” in that whiny voice that you can hear in your head. Poor, pitiful Christians.

I believe that religion is inexorably twisted up with culture. And I believe that something bigger transcends culture. And I use certain words to explain that something bigger (God). Your words may be different. I’ve heard many different words, including, but not limited to love, Allah, Spirit, Tao, Lord, One, Shakti, Uperwal, Bhagwan, Father/Mother, the Good, the list could go on and on. Sometimes intellect can even the greater thing.

I believe that religion has caused more problems than it has solved, but that God would have us love one another. That’s about it.

I have had many wonderful experiences across faiths. One of my dearest friends is a Rabbi. I have a very sweet friend who is the wife of an Imam. One of Star Light’s board members, also a very dear friend, is Hindu. Each of them can tell you that I have never tried to convert them.

I hope, sincerely, that they have felt from me respect for their religion and respect for their path. I believe that there is no love without respect, and I believe, like the Bible says in 1 John 4:8, God is love.

February 23, 2008

GOOD magazine has an interesting article about Christie Hefner, the chairman and CEO of Playboy Enterprises in their Sept/Oct 2007 issue. It’s unexpected to consider Ms. Hefner as a philanthropist, but that’s exactly how she uses her position at Playboy. Their foundation provides “support for civil liberties, sexual health, reproductive freedom, gay rights, and women’s rights.” Playboy magazine wrote about AIDS when it was still considered God’s wrath on homosexuality, and Christie Hefner helped raise $30 million for an outpatient facility in the Midwest for people living with AIDS.

This brings up an interesting item of discussion. Can people do both bad and good at the same time? Do people, as we would like to think, wear either white hats or black hats? Or can there be a mix in everyone?

The Hebrew scripture addresses this issue time and time again. There’s David. He’s an adulterer. He’s a murderer. And yet, he’s a faithful and good man, really trying to serve God. Then there’s Rahab. She’s a prostitute, perhaps even a madam, and she protects God’s servants.

What is it about our nature that we would like for people to wear a black hat or a white hat? Can we not focus on the times they wear their white hats? And can we not salute the good behavior, and not the bad behavior?

February 10, 2008

The World Famous Bob, one of the performers at the Sex Workers Art Show, has a blog on MySpace. First of all, I’d like to say that Bob was my favorite act of the day. Bob is beautiful, funny, talented, and just totally amazing. I met her after the show and found her to be really REAL. I know, I know, that sounds weird, but to meet hundreds of people in an evening, and to be nice and engaged with each one, is quite a talent.

To top it off, she wrote this, about her experience at William and Mary. So, she wins my Sex Worker of the Week Award. Maybe even the month…

When we arrived the tension amongst the performers was visible- I did not know what to expect so I picked out my “Meet The Protesters” outfit carefully. I chose leopard- the colour of painted city ladies for eons. Black FAKE fur coat, sensible leopard scarf around my head Movie Star style to match my leopard top, & a pair of pink sunglasses- nude lip. There were channel 13 & Fox 5 News vans waiting and our gorgeous leader Annie Oakley agreed to interviews. The group of protesters were given an area and they decorated it with signs that quoted scripture & signs that said “W&M is a college- not a stripclub” . The protesters numbers were low- starting with 4 and growing to MAYBE 20. They joined hands in a circle and prayed for our souls. I addressed this in the Q&A after the show. I’d like to thank the people that prayed for us outside the show. I felt that it was the most desirable form of protest that we could ask for. I also feel that prayer is powerful and can generate love. I LOVE living in a country where I can say YES while others may choose NO. I don’t need everyone to agree with me and I am most definitely often wrong in my life anyways. I feel that this is one of the beauties of the human experience that we are offered when born. The chance to grow and develop doesn’t stop at a certain age, it’s always there. I’ve made decisions that I NEVER thought I would. Like being sober for the past 10 years- I NEVER thought I’d stop drinking or using drugs BUT I DID! The only limits ANY of us have are the ones we put on ourselves and I APPLAUD the Christians for coming down & praying for us. They walked their talk and that’s a lot more than a lot of us do. Thank you to the students at W&M College that worked SO hard to let us have a voice and in doing so insure that they could have one too!
~Love & Poodle Kisses, World Famous *BOB* - The Dream Come True Girl!

Okay, beautiful, funny, and amazingly generous.

February 8, 2008

It was incredible.

It was amazing.

It was the coolest thing I’ve done in quite a while…

Do you ever feel like if you’re going to something that the Christians are picketing, that you must be doing something right?

Find out more here.

January 21, 2008

From ex-millennial girl:

It’s hard when you’re a dancer and you want to belong to the real world. So many aspects of daily life were foreign to us, like getting up at 7:00 a.m. to go to the office. It’s hard to feel like you belong to a world that looks down on your profession. But people are not like soap opera characters: always plotting some evil scheme to personally benefit from another’s suffering. And yet that’s how people treated me when they found out I was an exotic dancer. Hey: strippers like to send get well cards, make their own Christmas wreaths, and baby-sit, when they’re given the chance and the trust.

If I could do anything in the world, I would have everyone meet at least 2 exotic dancers. I’d make them meet for breakfast or lunch, or go grocery shopping together. I’d want them to just do a terribly mundane thing, so that that the non-dancer could see, once and for all, that dancers are just folks. They’re not evil. They’re not catty. They’re not conniving.

Sure, there are evil, catty, conniving dancers out there. But there are evil, catty, conniving bankers, cashiers, real estate agents, stay-at-home moms, ministers, IT specialists… Every profession has them. But that doesn’t mean that every one in the profession shares the same traits.

Those of us who are not exotic dancers have a responsibility (Yes, I am going to get preachy now) to make sure that we’re not adding to any woman’s feeling of isolation from the rest of the world. Yes, you are your sister’s keeper.

Ex-millennial girl continues, “If you can beat down the overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, you can be a good person, whether you’re stripping or working the register at McDonald’s. We all feel inadequate about our professions, it’s just that stripping is such an easy target. What about you? Are you a good enough publicist? Trial lawyer? Candy bar manufacturer? We all deserve to feel like we matter.”

What are YOU doing to make sure someone feels like they matter?

October 7, 2007

I went to First Friday in Richmond a few days ago. It’s an art walk with live music, art installations, and tons of people. And on one corner on the street, there was a young man standing on a footstool, with a bullhorn nearby.

He spent the evening spewing evil words at the people walking by, telling them that they are despicable, warmongers, adulterers, and lots of other really flattering words. As I listened, because, yes, I was drawn to him like a magnet to a refrigerator, I found that his words made me really angry and really sad.

Who is this God that this young man described? He is a god (I can’t even bear to capitalize it, because it’s not really God) that despises us, can’t bear to look at us, is even reviled by us. This young man’s god loathes us so much that he can only bear to love us if we jump through a few hoops, and never, ever screw up again.

That’s not the God I know. I know a God that loves us, likes us, adores us, digs us, and even craves being with us. That same God loves us so much that he gave a Son to give us a path.

This is not the same God that the young man spewed. And that made me angry. It made me angry because that young man personifies the kind of Christianity that turns people away. It made me angry because the people I care for, minister to, and love hear his message and believe that NO ONE can love them. Because love isn’t hate. And hate is what that young man was vomiting on the crowd.

And it made me sad. I am so sad for that young man, that he only knows a god who is unable to look upon him, unable to see all of his good parts, unable to truly KNOW him and LOVE him. And without a God that loves us, it’s hard to love ourselves.

I’m grateful to know that God that loves me unconditionally.

October 4, 2007

This is from one of our team members:

I wanted to share some reflections from our latest visit. Despite going there with all of us being tired and worn down, with some of us fighting illness, we forged ahead and visited our club. We were glad we did. Unlike past visits, when most of the time we have just dropped off gifts and haven’t gotten to talk much with the dancers, we were able to this time. It’s because we had a plan!

Three of us visited, brought gifts, and sat at the bar for a soda. This gave us an opportunity to talk with the bartender and a few dancers who walked up. It felt much more relaxed this way. We had a place to hang, and more importantly, a role. We were not standing around with people looking at us and wondering why we were there. It was much more natural. We had good conversations.

The bartender was curious about our group, wondering if we would proselytize or beat them over the head with how “evil” they are because they are dancers. Sadly, it would be natural for a club employee to assume and wonder this. They have had groups that stand outside the club, like a picket line, screaming at them, “You are going to hell.” So crazy! How could anyone believe that approach would be effective?

One woman we met told us about the degree she is working on in history with an emphasis in religion. She learned Hebrew to translate the Bible for herself, and help her understand the origins of religion. Our whole team was made up of seminary graduates, and we were all very impressed. It was neat to see some of the passions these women have and what might be fueling their dancing career–providing them the means and money for other dreams…

We tried to sit where they danced, for a few minutes, then realized this wouldn’t work in this club. Without staring, we talked after about how it was cool to watch them pole dance. A couple ladies were very good and it was fascinating to watch!

For this next month we plan to go near Halloween, using that as a theme & something fun to play with, perhaps going in costumes….